by Bronte Price: All our relationships start with a gushy feeling in the gut, doesn’t it?
This is probably the very same thing as “having butterflies in the stomach.” It’s all rosy and pink in the beginning. Long phone calls, late night walks, frugal date night plans, sweet nothings and many such other great things. To summate it all, it’s an extremely great feeling to be in a relationship. The thought of coming back to someone, no matter how good or bad your day was, is extremely calming.
Like everything else in life, things change in relationships after a while. The late night long calls turn into customary 5-minute crisp conversations and the sweet nothings go for a toss. It’s absolutely normal to happen though. Life happens and subconsciously we start taking permanent things for granted. Conversations do not flow that easily anymore. It feels like putting an additional effort every time either of you is starting a conversation. What’s important in times like these is, to know the fine line between living your life together and drifting without realizing.
Conversations are one of the most neglected aspects of our fast lives. An open-hearted conversation can be extremely powerful in every relationship. Things start mounting in our hearts over time and aren’t discussed. The frustration starts building up and results in something disastrous eventually. A conversation now could just be an argument or can lead up to separation later on. The major reason couples do not have conversations is either lack of time or ego issues.
So, should you have relationship talks with your partner?
Yes, absolutely, if you value your relationship and the other person. These meaningful conversations will tell you how well you both are faring in the relationship.
Here are 5 reasons you should have relationship talks with your partner:
1. These talks will ensure that your fights do not escalate more than they should.
2. Talks will help you solve your resentment issues.
3. It encourages your partner to understand your point of view and thus, how you feel.
4. Talks are known to increase the meaningfulness and understanding in your equation.
5. These conversations leave no scope for superficial discussions and improve bonding.
With these 5 reasons why relationship talks are important, we should move on to understanding how to do it right.
4 ways how to have relationship talks with your partner:
1. Don’t keep discussions pending-
At times it just feels easier to dismiss a discussion that is hard to put. It feels convenient to just ignore it and let things be. You probably think it will break the peace or probably it’s too stupid to bring up. That’s where we go wrong. What this will do is, take you up to your peak point after which you break down. At this saturation point, it becomes difficult to have a sensible conversation anymore. What could have been just a conversation is now a full-fledged fight or argument.
This is why it’s wise to talk things over, no matter how trivial they seem at first. It bothers you for a reason, so why not discuss that with your partner. At times, you will realize it was a stupid reason and laugh over it. But for that to happen, you will have to have the discussion to clear the tension.
2. Don’t be defensive-
Understand that a major part of your relationship is the respect you have for each other. This respect is what keeps you both going on days when you are not in love. Not being defensive is one of the easiest ways to calm a tensed partner.
It’s extremely easy to accuse the other person in every argument. The next obvious thing for your partner is to blame you. Understand that you are on the same team and the reason you are fighting for is on the other team. Fight the issue as a team together and not with each other. A very convenient way of doing this is talking in terms of how a certain thing made you feel. Instead of accusing your partner, you should sound like taking responsibility for your feelings. Example, I feel insecure when you do that.
3. Be aware of the place and time-
My personal experience tells me; it feels just easier to put things out in the open in extreme situations. It becomes difficult to think about the surroundings when you are upset. It is not just about what and how you start the conversation. It is also a lot about when and where you have the discussion. This is why it is wise to control your emotions and decide in advance when and where to have the discussion. This way you will be able to give your full attention to it and will not have other distractions either.
4. Be careful to hear the other person out-
Conversations are not just about you, it’s a 2-way street. You can’t just expect to be heard without listening to the other person. Both of you will have to understand how the other person feels. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak, be genuinely interested in what the other person has to talk about.
You don’t necessarily have to agree with what your partner has to say. But you should absolutely make it a point to hear them out. Understand what they say and repeat after them. This is an easy way of remembering what was said and also acknowledging. Understanding each other will help you both reach a solution faster.
Most often than not, most people are worried about bringing things up. However, understand that starting a conversation is the only way of giving it a chance. Help yourself while you can.
Bronte Price is Australia’s First Certified gay wedding celebrant in Melbourne He stands strongly for marriage equality and takes immense pleasure in marrying any couples in love. He has also co-founded The Equality Network to help wedding suppliers create a better wedding experience for LGBTI couples. He is a regular volunteer newsreader at Joy 94.9, and a member of GLOBE (Gay and Lesbian Organization for Business and Enterprise). Beyond this you will find him either in his organic backyard vegetable garden or taking walks with his fiancée Clint and their four legged fur baby – Bingo.