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Virgina Satir Therapist

Virginia Satir

Virginia Satir (1916-1988) was one of the major pioneers in family therapy and a teacher. She taught concepts that pulled people out of the dysfunction of their families into a higher consciousness of thinking and acting. She changed how the mental health field looked at people with problems as “pathology,” into seeing people as a product of their family conditioning which could be changed.

Rather than seeing a client’s issue as a problem, she believed that the problem was the result of how a client coped with a particular issue from the past or present. Her book, Conjoint Family Therapy, was based on the courses she delivered at the Mental Research Institute. After the book was published, Satir gained recognition for her theories from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and the Academy of Certified Social Workers. She was in demand throughout the world.

Satir also developed the Satir Change Process Model, which was a method of change that she developed from her own clinical trials. Satir developed this model that is now widely used to understand the effects of change within the corporate world. Satir devoted much of her career to helping people find the necessary mental health resources for their needs. She created organizations to bring people with similar issues together, including Beautiful People and the Avanta Network.

Virginia traveled the world over with her teachings of how to become a fully functioning human being centered in love. She attracted a following of therapists, business people, leaders and regular folks who then applied her ideas through their own work and life.… More


Quotes by Virginia Satir

  1. “All meaning is self-created.”
  2. “We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us.”
  3. “As a therapist, I am a companion. I try to help people tune into their own wisdom.”
  4. “We can learn something new anytime we believe we can.”
  5. “The Problem is never the problem! It is only a symptom of something much deeper.”
  6. “I want to love you without clutching, appreciate you without judging, join you without invading, invite you without demanding, leave you without guilt, criticize you without blaming, and help you without insulting. If I can have the same from you, then we can truly meet and enrich each other.”
  7. “Put together all the existing families and you have society. It is as simple as that. Whatever kind of training took place in the individual family will be reflected in the kind of society that these families create.”
  8. “We need 4 hugs a day for survival.
  9. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.
  10. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
  11. “Two big questions present themselves to every parent in one form or another: “What kind of human being do I want my child to becom e?” and “How can I go about making that happen?”
  12. “Our biggest problem as human beings is not knowing that we don’t know.”
  13. “Family life is something like an iceberg: most people are aware of only about one-tenth of what is going on — the tenth that they can see and hear.”
  14. “Over the years I have developed a picture of what a human being living humanely is like. She is a person who understand, values and develops her body, finding it beautiful and useful; a person who is real and is willing to take risks, to be creative, to manifest competence, to change when the situation calls for it, and to find ways to accommodate to what is new and different, keeping that part of the old that is still useful and discarding what is not.”
  15. “Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible – the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.”
  16. “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be, it’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference”
  17. “It’s sad that children cannot know their parents when they were younger; when they were loving, courting, and being nice to one another. By the time children are old enough to observe, the romance has all too often faded or gone underground.”
  18. “Problems are not the problem: coping is the problem.”
  19. “So much is asked of parents, and so little is given.”
  20. “Every word, facial expression, gesture, or action on the part of a parent gives the child some message about self-worth. It is sad that so many parents don’t realize what messages they are sending.”
  21. “Hugging is good medicine. It transfers energy, and gives the person hugged an emotional boost. We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
  22. “It is easy to see how adolescence becomes so frustrating, and old age so abhorrent, to many people. The life line is disempowered at two major points: at the beginning and at the end. The only acceptable place is in the middle. Power is conferred only on adults. It is denied to youth and seniors.”
  23. “The symbol in Chinese for crisis is made up of two ideographs: one means danger, the other means opportunity. This symbol is a reminder that we can choose to turn a crisis into an opportunity or into a negative experience.”
  24. “What lingers from the parent’s individual past, unresolved or incomplete, often becomes part of her or his irrational parenting.”
  25. “Negotiating the adolescent stage is neither quick nor easy. . . . I have often said to parents, “If it isn’t illegal, immoral, or fattening, give it your blessing.” We do much better . . . if we find and support all the places we can appropriately say yes, and say only the no’s that really matter.”
  26. “I regard (parenting) as the hardest, most complicated, anxiety-ridden, sweat-and-blood producing job in the world. Succeeding requires the ultimate in patience, common sense, commitment, humor, tact, love, wisdom, awareness, and knowledge. At the same time, it holds the possibility for the most rewarding, joyous experience of a lifetime, namely, that of being successful guides to a new and unique human being.”
  27. “Taste everything, but swallow only what fits.”
  28. “I feel that adolescence has served its purpose when a person arrives at adulthood with a strong sense of self-esteem, the ability to relate intimately, to communicate congruently, to take responsibility, and to take risks.

Quotes by Steve Taylor

1. “Regular meditation can make us less affected by negative thoughts, and create a more grounded and stable sense of self, so that we’re less dependent on respect and affirmation from other people.”

2. “Part of the reason why bringing up children can be a spiritual experience is because children are such strongly spiritual beings themselves.”

3. “The human sense of incompleteness generates a craving for possessions, power and status, as a way of trying to complete ourselves and compensate for our inner discord.”

4. “Spiritual experiences are overwhelmingly positive experiences. They are experiences of rapture, in which we perceive reality at a heightened intensity, feel a powerful sense of inner well-being, experience a sense of oneness with our surroundings and become aware of a force of benevolence and harmony which pervades the cosmos.”

5. “Many people who return from encounters with death – either because a threat passes or they make a miraculous recovery – undergo a permanent spiritual shift. Of course, this is one the most significant features of near-death experiences. Most of those who undergo the experience gain a new spiritual outlook, becoming less materialistic and egotistical and more compassionate, more concerned with helping and serving others than fulfilling their own desires and ambitions.”

6. “Like intense despair and desolation, imminent death dissolves psychological attachments. If you know you are going to die soon, there can be no more hopes or ambitions for you. Your possessions, your successes, the status and the knowledge you’ve accumulated can have no more meaning, now that you are going to be separated from them forever.”

7. “Most people are asleep in the sense that their perception of the world is automatic, so that they aren’t able to sense the is-ness and alive-ness of our surroundings.”

8. “human beings have always felt instinctively that our normal consciousness is limited and striven to attain temporary higher states of consciousness – or as I call them, ‘awakening experiences.’ Throughout history people have used a variety of methods to do this, including fasting, sleep deprivation, psychedelic drugs and meditation.”

9. “Awakening experiences have two basic sources. They can be caused by a dramatic change to our normal physiology or brain chemistry, which is why fasting, sleep deprivation and drugs can cause them. They can also be caused by what I call an ‘intensification and stilling of life-energy,’ through meditation, yoga, general relaxation, listening to music etc. This happens when our minds become quiet and still, and when we’re inactive and relaxed.”

10. “We need to wake up for the sake of the human race as a whole, in order to become free of the social chaos and conflict which have blighted the last few thousand years of history.”

11. “To an impartial observer – say, an alien zoologist from another planet – there must be very compelling evidence that human beings suffer from a serious mental disorder, and are perhaps even insane.”

12. “I believe this over-developed ego is the fundamental madness from which we suffer from, and the root cause of our insane behaviour. Intense ego-consciousness is a state of suffering. It brings a basic sense of isolation, of being separate from other people and the rest of reality.”

13. “Our egos send a constant stream of ‘thought-chatter’ through our minds, a chaos of memories, daydreams, worries and fears which disturbs our being and creates a constant state of anxiety.”

14. “Perhaps the desire for wealth and power, minus the ability to empathise, is the root of warfare and the oppression of women and other social groups. Maybe it’s also the root cause of our abuse of the environment. It means that we experience a sense of ‘otherness’ to nature, and that we can’t sense its aliveness, and as a result we don’t feel any qualms about exploiting and abusing it.”

15. “As we transcend the intensified sense of ego, we begin to see the world as a meaningful and harmonious place. We become able to live in the moment and accept ourselves and our lives as they are, without wanting.”

16. “The human race has stamped its authority over the planet Earth not just by covering its surface with concrete and destroying its plant and animal life, but also by burying the natural sounds of the Earth beneath a cacophony of man-made noise.”

17. “Our ‘true self’ might be called the ground, or the essence, of our beings. It’s the pure consciousness inside us, the consciousness-in-itself which remains when we’re not actually conscious of anything. It’s what remains when our the activity of our senses and the activity of our minds cease.”

18. “War seems to be natural to human beings – or at least to male human beings, since war has always been an almost exclusively male occupation. There seems to be … More

Befriending Irene (9/5/11)

Whether you face chronic anxiety or more violent storms of fear and anger, you can cultivate the wings of freedom–the mindfulness and compassion–that free you.
This talk explores how the habit of being reactive causes us suffering and the ways these tools of meditation can be applied to the inner weather systems that most challenge us.… More


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