by Raven Fon: After having several conversations with some of my friends who are in long-term relationships,
I discovered one question was asked more than any other: “How do you have such a healthy sex life after being together for so long?”
Unfortunately, most people feel their passion fizzle out after being in a relationship with someone for a while. Whether it is mismatched libidos, lack of communication, or elevated stress levels, falling into a sexual rut doesn’t mean the fire is gone forever- there is hope!
Lauren Brim is a sexual wellness coach and has written the book, The New Rules of Sex. She told Bustle.com, “Sex is often seen as something we outgrow or can easily go without, but sexuality and intimacy are an expression of our life force, creativity and love, and must be expressed to be fully realized as a people. If our sexuality isn’t being expressed, it will show up as problems in other areas of our body and life.”
Having a healthy sex life with your partner is just as important as any other aspect of your relationship, plus it can do wonders to improve your health.
If you want to know how to keep a healthy and happy sex life as a permanent fixture in your relationship, try implementing the following 6 habits:
1. Flirt with them.
Yep, that’s right, flirt. You did it at one point, right? Why did you stop? Honestly, my husband and I never stopped flirting with each other. Besides showing the other person you are still just as interested in them as the day you met, flirting boosts confidence for both partners.
Brim says, “The most important thing to keep your sex life healthy in a relationship, is to keep the sexual energy simmering in-between the act.”
So go ahead, tell them how hot they look, give them a gentle slap on the tush, kiss their ear and give them those bedroom eyes. Letting them know you still desire them will keep things exciting in the bedroom.
2. Talk with them.
In almost every bit of advice I give, I mention communication. It is necessary in every kind of relationship, if you want it to be a healthy one.
Couples who have healthy sex lives know how to talk to each other. They express their emotional issues just as openly as they discuss their sexual wants and needs.
“Making time to talk about things, even the simple things, can open up the space between your partner and you and make you suddenly aware of that super sexy person sitting right across from you that you can’t wait to make love to,” says Brim.
3. Get lots of rest.
Getting a good night’s rest isn’t only great for your mental and physical health, it is a key component to a healthy sex life. I know that we are busy people with busy lives, but if we want to keep the fire burning in our relationships, we need to be able to function.
There is an easy way to get better sleep at night- have more sex! It’s a pretty useful cycle: have sex, get more sleep: get more sleep, have better sex.
4. They keep things “interesting.”
Yes, you are going to have to spice things up once in a while. Don’t worry, you don’t have to develop a fetish or break out the Forrest Hump DVD just yet.
Try to keep things interesting by being random. Switch things up a bit from time to time. Ladies, maybe do that thing he likes (which you haven’t done in a while). Men, do the dishes. Okay, that was a joke, but seriously, men, you know how to please your woman.
Brim says, if you want to be one of those couples that has a lot of sex, you need to “create sexually novel situations to keep sex interesting, surprising and fun.”
5. They know “sexy time” is important.
Happy couples know that if you want to have sex, you must make time for it. I don’t mean literally scheduling time around your busy days to dutifully fornicate with your partner- how robotic. No, what I mean is setting aside a few hours a day, a week, whatever, for just you and your significant other. Get to know each other again, look into each other’s eyes, and see where all this leads you. Usually, once the spark is ignited again, your sex life greatly improves.
6. Laugh with them.
One of the most commonly found attributes among happy couples is their ability to make each other laugh. Sharing moments of joy can reconnect you to your partner in more ways than one.
When we laugh, we release oxytocin, the same chemical often referred to as “the love hormone.” And with good reason. Oxytocin is released when we hug, when we kiss, and yes, when we make love.
Some people might argue that “sex isn’t everything,” and of course they are right. Sex isn’t everything, but it is an important element found in healthy relationships. The relationship website OnePlusOne says, “Studies repeatedly show that married couples of all ages who report higher levels of relationship satisfaction also report having good sex lives.”
Lauren Brim’s final piece of advice to Bustle.com was this, “A healthy sex life starts with you. Loving and taking care of your body, cultivating a relationship with your sexuality, and making time for sex because you value your pleasure, your partner’s satisfaction, and what sex does for you as an individual and the relationship.”