by Katrina Bos: Tantric Intimacy holds the potential to connect us completely…
We drop our guards and allow our whole self to flow into another person as we totally receive them as well. This creates a seemingly magical circuit of loving energy that can take us to infinite, wondrous places.
This is very simple to say and completely natural for us to do.
Yet, we struggle. How can we be safe to do this? How can I be open when I don’t know if I can trust this other person completely? What if I get hurt? What if I give myself completely, and my heart gets broken?
These fears keep our walls up, and so the magic of this kind of open, free-flowing connection eludes us, no matter how much tantra we study.
Your Inner Connection Makes You Whole
“Be humble for you are made of earth. Be noble for you are made of the stars.”
– Serbian proverb
The foundation of tantra is always our personal spiritual connection. However you define God/Spirit/Consciousness/Zen, it is our deep and trusting connection to this mystery that brings us great inner strength (and humility).
As the proverb above says, we are both made of earth AND the stars. What does that mean to you? What does it mean to be made of the stars? The beauty of tantra is that it embraces both aspects of being human and blends them together to create the whole beings that we are meant to be.
For some of us, we get lost in the day-to-day movements of life — jobs, relationships, kids, politics, fears, hopes, etc. All of these things exist in the physical three-dimensional world in which we live. They are very real. They hold incredible opportunities for joy, growth, pain, and a myriad of other incredible experiences.
But we are more than that.
Somehow, we are also mystery, infinity, everything, everyone, nothingness, all-powerful, and all-knowing. This reality isn’t really possible to understand with our brain because our brain belongs to the physical world. And our language best describes things that happen in this world. Everything that happens in the “spirit” world cannot be described adequately in our language. We have words like “AWEsome,” “INCREDible,” “AMAZing.” All of these words simply mean that we cannot describe how we feel. These are all spiritually-inspired experiences.
The magic of tantra is the ability to blend these two worlds — to live within our physical bodies in our specific spot on the space-time continuum and also to know that infinite energy and possibilities flow through us in every second.
This is when we truly become tantric.
This Connection Gives Us Inner Strength
“The only thing that is constant is change.”
When we feel this deep connection within us, we become strong regardless of our circumstances. The world around us (including those people we choose to love) is always changing. This is the human condition. We are naturally in a constant state of change, growth, and flux.
Tantric Intimacy teaches that kindness and respect are the foundation of all loving connection. But although we may be diligent in how we treat others, those we love may struggle with this based on their upbringings and past experiences. So how do we still open ourselves without risking being hurt?
We cultivate this deep, inner spiritual connection.
You can do this through any path that works for you. It could be through the works of the mystics of all faiths. (Mystics always seek a direct experience of God.) It could be through meditation and mindfulness. It could be through running or horse-back riding. Whatever it is that connects you with that deep, still place where you can feel the stillness and hear your own personal guidance.
When we cultivate this deep connection, we find something called “Divine Courage.” This courage comes from within and helps us have the faith to take steps in our life that are new, exciting, and possibly a little scary. But the beautiful thing is that the courage came from within. This means that if it doesn’t work out the way we planned, we will also have that strength on the other side of the experience. That strength will give us the meditative mind to observe what happened with understanding and compassion. The experience won’t break us (even if it hurts). We will feel the growth and expansiveness of what happened instead of focusing on the pain.
This Divine Courage is what takes us to incredible places on each step on our tantric journey.
Merging Becomes Effortless
“A healthy ego is no more afraid of sacred union than a raindrop is of merging with the ocean.”
– Jalaja Bonheim
When we have this deep connection within, we are able to walk in the world quite fearless. We know that we are not alone. We are strong, yet we are completely humble.
So, when we find someone that we love, whether it is a friend, child, or lover, it is easy to be open with them. It is easy to share who we truly are. We don’t need to put up façades or pretend that we are something that we are not. We let them see right into our souls. Because of course, we know that we are all made of the same stuff. Our soul is the same as theirs.
Of course, we also have discernment. Because we are already whole ourselves, we don’t feel the need to merge with EVERYONE. In fact, it isn’t really recommended. There are a lot of people who don’t actually want to merge in that way. They just want to be near you, but to stay separate emotionally. That is awesome. We too, will feel that way sometimes.
But there will also be occasions where someone appears in our life and true, beautiful connection is possible and desired. And then we can sit in personal strength, drop our guards, and let them in. We can experience the beautiful flow that is possible between humans.
True tantric connection.